Well i was informed today that i can't talk to my bestfriend until her and her husband get through the issues that they are having right now. God it felt like she took my heart and tore it into a thousand small pieces. I really need her right now more then ever, with the battle of custody before me. God this just sucks. On another note, i may have a new lawyer. She's really great.I just hope things get better for me. especially now.I don't really know how to feel, but be hurt. You see this friend i'm talking about has been by bestfriend for over 17 years. She's like my sister. Our kids play together, well when we aren't working, and have time. I know they don't see her kids that often, but they do care weather they can play with them or not anymore.

Well today i went to our local gay and lesbian community center. It was pretty cool to be able to get some information that will help me to get help with my situation. Everyone there was really nice, and helpful.I am really surprised at how much stuff is really out there for the gay society. It's alot more then i ever thought it would be.

Well today i had to let my son go with his father for the weekend. Do u know how hard that was after all that i found out this week.Well i always say kill 'em with kindness. I let him think i haven't found out anything yet. Oh well i hate it for him.

Today is a really bad day. I feel as if the whole world is coming down all around me. Well for starters i get a lovely phone call from my lawyer this morning, and let's just say she didn't have anything good to tell me.She told me that my son's lawyer is now siding with my ex. The man lied so much i couldnt believe all that he said. For 1 he said that my house wasn't sanitary due to me smoking, and that there was some clutter issues.My thing on that is this for one is there a law in the state on tn that says i'm not allowed to smoke in my own house, no i don't think so. And 2 he came over unannounced, and i was washing clothes, and going through my bills, give me a brake, i don't think there's a law saying that that's going to harm my child.Ok then my lawyer tells me that the fact i've had 3 roomates of the same sex in 2 years is also another issue he had with me. Well for starters, only 2 of them were partners, and well dang what i can't have anyone live in my house that i've known for a long time, to help me out with the bills. I mean geez a single parent raising 2 kids is hard on the little income i make, but i want the best for my kids, and sometimes you have to get a little help financially.Oh and then he said i couldn't protect my child, because of my behavior. Well he's getting at the fact that i was in a really abusive relationship, and well let's just say 1 my kids were never touched, and 2 i got rid of her with force(cops came and removed her), after the fact that she hit me in front of my kids.I know i'm not perfect no one is ya know. I mean if we can't make mistakes, how are we ever suppossed to learn anything.I know i made a bad choice, but at the time i thought i was in love.Oh and then he said something about my dog getting sick, well if he would have known anything, my dog has a really weak stomache. You can't even take him for a joyride due to the fact he will get car sick. Then my mother tells me today, that my son's lawyer called her trying to play himself off that he was my ex's lawyer.Well my lawyer says that we are not going to fight all the lies, well i'm sorry to tell her, but she's pretty much fired, cause no one is going to lie about me because they don't like the fact that i'm gay.He let his issues with the fact that i'm gay over power the real issue. What's best for my son. My son has said time and time again he wants to live with me, not his father.Where is his voice in all of this.He doesn't want to be torn away from his 8 yr old sister.He doesn't want to be torn away from his mother. Dang i could understand if i was doing something to harm my child, but i'm not. I have all kinds of people ready to testify to that.well that's it for my crapy day i hope everyone else's was much better then that.

Why does life have to be so complicated? You know when i was served papers in June of '05 i never thought i would have to go through all the hell i'm going through. I love my son to death, and i don't know what i would do without him. You know what pisses me off is all these drug addicted women who do everything the wrong way, and treat their kids like crap, and the goverment allows them to keep their kids. But heaven forbid that a gay mom who does the best for both of  her kids be able to keep her little boy. If the judge takes my son away i promise to everyone here, i will not stop fighting to get him back.That's just wrong why would you take this kid  who loves his mom away from her? Not to mention, i would hate to know what's going to happen to my daughter, if they take him. I think she would go into a major state of depression due to the fact of how close they have been getting lately.